Why I am a Sex Blogger
This is in response to a post on Curvaceous Dee’s blog. Basically, the question, phrases much more eloquently in her post, is why I *did* decide to be a sex blogger, as compared to any other kind of blogger, or just not one at all.
I’ve been blogging since oh…2001? I had FreeOpenDiary for a long time, until it deleted like a year worth of entries, and I said “fuck this” and moved to LiveJournal in 2004. I still have that LJ, and I write in it, posts that don’t belong here. Updates for some of my friends on my daily life, posts I want to be private to most people, posts about people I am attracted to, but who I’m not writing about on here, and who are my myspace/facebook friends, so I can’t write about on there. I use my Myspace blog too occasionally.
I like to write. When my dad died and my house burned down when I was 13, I went into hardcore emo poetry mode to try and process my feelings. I wrote all the time, but in notebooks, not online. When I did write online in journals, it was less freeform, and more what was happening in my life.
Fast forward a few (like 7) years later, when I was working for HotMoviesForHer.com. I had this column I wrote weekly, and daily movie reviews, and was in charge of the HMFH blog and blogroll. As I read over the people’s blogs from our blogroll, I thought “hmm…there isn’t anyone quite like me out there, and I could totally do this. I’m going to start a blog.” So I did, going in blindly.
My last two jobs had a lot to do with sexuality, so I had lots to write about and process, plus with my own sex life (or lack thereof) and going to grad school for sexuality, I never had a loss of what to write.
And as I wrote, I realized a few things. And have turned them into…
The Top 10 Reasons I am a Sex Blogger
1) My writing is my way of processing. The more I wrote over the past year or two, the less I had random nights of cry myself to sleep, and snapping at people when I was highly emotional. Granted, sometimes I cry as I write, but it is controllable. I think in blog posts when upsetting circumstances happen. Even if it takes me a while to actually write them, the act of thinking what I will write is processing; I figure out how I’m feeling and why, what my reactions are and why, etc.
2) I can put out what I have to say on issues that are important to me (identity, gender rights, fat politics, feminism, etc), and I can hear feedback (both positive and negative). And I can put my ideas/thoughts/theories/feelings out there to people I will never meet. And I can bounce off of other people’s ideas (quite often Sinclair Sexsmith’s, among others), creating new communities of thought that are accessible outside the world of academia.
3) I can be myself. If a reader doesn’t like my writing, and stops reading, I may never know. Much better than having someone reject me in person because they don’t like who I am.
4) I can find myself. The whole blogger community has helped me with that. So many people (Sinclair, Miss Avarice, Dylan and LadyBrettAshley to name a few) have really helped me come into my Femme identity. I don’t know if I would have reached it with out them. Ditto on going from bi –> pansexual –> queer, and realizing what my orientation really was.
5) The support. I try not to write about my “normal” life too much, but because my sexuality and normal life are so intertwined, it happens. Last March, when my grandmother died, and I was in the car accident, and my computer crashed, and my phone broke, y’all were so supportive, with emails, comments, a surprise present from Jerry and Dacia was nice enough to send me her old phone to replace mine. Where the heck else does that happen? Or with Catalina’s raffle? Etc, etc, etc. Sex bloggers are their own support system (so um, when are we going to start a sex bloggers group insurance plan? I’m not kidding!)
6)The things I learn. No offense, but I can read the “normal” news on various websites. But without sex bloggers, how would I laugh over comics that compare posion ivy to virginia creepers as bondage rope? How would I know about Kate Bornstein writing about Wall-E in a Butch/Femme context? I learn about other sexuality news stories, new toys being released, porn videos coming out, new bloggers, etc, all via our sex blogging community.
7) The re-assurance. How many places in the world are there where you can post half-nekkid pictures of yourself, and have tons of people leave positive comments? In my almost 2 years blogging, I’ve only ever gotten one negative comment on a picture. The rest have made this alternative fat Femme feel pretty fucking sexy, let me tell you.
The swag. It’s not why I became one, but hell, it sure is a perk. I own more sex toys than most people can even dream of. It’s amazing 
I never have trouble getting off! Just storing it…
9) Helping others. Ok, I know this sounds silly and trite…but do you know how nice it is to get the occasional email telling me how much I’ve positively influenced someone’s life? Sometimes, I’ve inspired them to come out. Other times, to learn to love their body. A few people have told me that I’ve made them re-consider their orientation/gender/identity. That is such a good feeling, knowing that something I did or said made someone else feel better! It’s like being a nurse or doctor…but mentally, and through my writing! When I see people linking to my blog with a quote (“as Essin’ Em said _____) or writing a post based on something I said (“Essin’ Em got me to thinking and ________), or the other day, when I was on AAG’s blog, and a COMMENTER said something about being an avid Essin’ Em reader…all these give me warm fuzzies. I am certainly not an expert in anything, but to know that other people not only read what I have to say, but that it makes them think, or positively impacts their life? Amazing!
10) For myself. Every now and again, I read through my old posts. I think on them, I smile on the good times, I shiver on the bad. If I’ve said I’ll do something, I follow through. I try to learn from my past, as our experiences will shape our futures. It’s an outlet for me to rant and rave and think and process and bounce ideas off of people. And it’s all documented for me to look over, to see how I’ve grown, how I continue to grow.
And those, gentle readers, are some of the many many many reasons I am a sex blogger.
August 30, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Oh yes, the swag – and the storing – when you figure the answer to that one out, let me know, will ya?!
August 30, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I enjoyed reading your reasons for blogging. The one reason I read of yours that I didn’t even think to write in mine: The reassurance.
I mean, really…I’m a woman that’s not by any stretch of the imagination fitting the current stereotypical American standard of beauty. I’m fat. I wear glasses. I have better muscles than many of my male friends. But y’know what? I talk honestly about the real me in my blog, and I get compliments. Heck, I show hesitant pictures of too-pale cleavage and get compliments!
This is a great post, thank you.
August 30, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Man. I didn’t even know I was helping you find yourself! I was finding my femme self, too, at the same time that I was writing about femme identities.
August 30, 2008 at 11:39 pm
& I hope you continue to be a sex blogger.
August 31, 2008 at 12:28 am
*hugs hard* I love you so much! And thank you for expressing how and why you are part of this fantastic community
xx Dee