Not the Prescribed Use

Last year, after the AASECT conference, I got a box of “goodies” from the company Arkadia. They were sending them out to sexuality educators, consultants, therapists, etc, and one of my friends had signed me up for one, knowing of my love of sex toys.

In the box was a variety of things; silicone and water-based lube, mild, medium and maximum strength arousal gels, a few toys that were honestly kind of crappy (they’re actually just white labels of other products I’ve seen before…cheap, unobtrusive, not very exciting plastic toys, and a pair of gold ben wah balls that my cats really love to play with), a bunch of pamphlets, etc.

The lubes? Yeah, not a fan. Incredibly sticky, dry out easily, way too much pours out of the bottle, and oh yeah, one of my bottles leaked all over my bag. Can we say eww? I’m talking worse than KY Jelly here (for all I know, maybe the water-based was re-branded KY?).

So after my experiences with the lube, and my lack of excitement or arousal of the toys, I shoved my box under my coffee table (yes, I have sex toys and porn out all over my living room. Occupational hazard.), and forgot about it. I’m pretty much an anti-fan of anti type of cream/gel, etc, that says it will cause arousal in women. Because seriously? Attraction, erotic stories, well made porn, hot eye candy, hot days, fantasies, memories, etc — they cause arousal in women. Liquids just don’t do that, got it?

But as I was packing to get ready for Colorado, I stumbled across the “Medium Strength Heightener,” which is now know as Medium Strength Arousal Cream. I check out the box, and typed it to K, asking if he thought I should try it or toss it.

An edible female heightening cream, with unique sensitizers, to stimulate and intensify feelings of arousal.

His response was something to the effect of “I tried something like that from Arkadia…I didn’t like it.” I told him that it was the medium strength one from Arkadia. He replied that he had tried the mild, and he suggest I just toss it.

I was considering it. Because edible arousal cream? Um, ew. But I had 2 hours to kill before my friend was picking me up for dinner and drinks, and what’s a poor young woman to do with TWO free hours (other than oh, pack)?

I wanted to take a shower, but decided to try this first. I’d had a bad experience with tiger balm a few years ago (I = an idiot, I know. It feels delightful on one’s nipples, but unless you REALLY SUPER CAREFULLY clean your hands, you should not, under ANY circumstances, touch your clit or labia. It is incredibly painful), so I thought that I could try it out, and if it hurt, or felt gross, I could up in the shower and wash it off.

However, I read the ingredients. Water, stearic acid (WTF is acid doing in vulva cream?), glycerin (don’t use internally, not that you’d want to anyways), aspartame (mmm, sweetner in the vulva….great plan), sorbitol, sesame oil. I stopped there. Oil. Well. That means it’s not just gonna wash off. Hmmm. And that also means it’s not latex condom compatible. Bah.

Despite the acid and sweetner and oil, I decided to give it a go. I’m nothing if not adventurous. Although it has oil in it, I threw a condom over my <a href=”

http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/massagers/hitachi-magic-wand-vibrator#pcode-2QW”>Hitachi Magic Wand. It was going to break the latex down eventually (but actually didn’t do it visibly in the 90 minutes I used it), but I wanted a barrier between my wand and this “cream” in case I hated it. It would have been sad if it was awful, and had then also contaminated my favorite toy.

So the scene was set; Hitachi was ready, the shower was prepared in case it burned, and I was already kind of horny (have I not been horny the last two months? Yeah, didn’t think so). I bravely opened the tube, removed the tamper-proof seal, and squeezed a little of the white cream onto my finger. It smelled very minty, kind of like girl scout cookies (you know, the thin mint kind). It tasted a little minty, a little fake sweet, but not too bad at all, as far as sex lubes/creams/etc go.

I tried it on my nipples first. Nada. Well, I guess that was better than painful burning, but the outlook was not a good one.

Reaching down, I rubbed it onto and around my clit. Within seconds, there was the tingly feeling (you know, the kind you get if you’re receiving oral, and your partner takes a long sip of cream de menthe before heading down south?). I liked it; some people don’t. You won’t know until you try it, but I liked it a lot. It was tingly, and I was horny, and now all my attention (and much of my blood flow) was directed towards one of the smallest, yet most important parts of my body; my clitoris.

I hopped into bed, turned the Hitachi on, and got down to business. With how horny I was, and how good it felt, I expected to be done in the course of a few minutes, with time to shower and watch an episode of Coupling on demand before I headed out to dinner.

Boy, was I wrong. I was hot, I was horny, and I couldn’t think about anything else other than getting off.

And I couldn’t. I couldn’t come. OH MY GOD. It was so unfair. It went from this feeling of like and pleasure towards the cream to extreme hatred. Who the fuck designs a cream that gets you all fired up, and then keeps you from coming??? Not ok.

I tried many things. Different positions, nipple clamps, fucking myself with my favorite wooden dildo. Nada. It was like I was trying to jump off a plane, but was still belted in. Horrible. No good. Very bad. Frustrating to no end.

Wait. Frustrating. Then I stopped for a second and thought. And a smile creeped across my face. Wasn’t I the person that would bring myself to the edge, then turn off the vibe, let myself calm down, and do it again and again until I finally let myself come? Wasn’t I the person who spent a significant amount of my time in high school and college jilling off to delayed orgasm and orgasm denial stories and fantasies? In fact, I think there was one story on Literotica.com that involved a woman being injected with something that made her highly highly aroused, but kept her from coming. I remember liking that story a lot.

Suddenly, my hatred went 180. I’ve figured out (safe) self-bondage, but have always had to half ass it when it comes to trying to play with delayed orgasm for myself. And voila; I had here in front of me essentially (for me at least), a delay cream. Similar to the stuff that is supposed to keep males from orgasming to quickly, I’d discovered probably the only thing in the world to work the same way on females. Perfect!

Quickly, I hunkered back down, vibe on, dildo inside, and enjoyed the next hour or so of riding the cusp of pleasure, wanting to come so fucking badly, but not being able to do a damned thing about it. Finally, just when I was about to give up, wash it off, and start all over, I came. Hard. And long. And it felt amazing.

So while I don’t really think this cream is great for the purpose that it was intended, if you’re a pervert like me, and want to delay orgasm (your own, your partner’s, your sub’s, your slave’s, etc), this just might be worth it.

But it’s an off label use…so don’t tell anyone I told you

-Essin’ Em